Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
MY 'REALLY HATE WINTER' RANT
I REALLY HATE WINTER....
I am sorry but I really hate winter.
Serotonin depleted days filled with nervous people, delayed transport and everywhere, at least in the city, grey depressing buildings.
Bears really have the answer - find some secluded spot, stuff yourself silly with food and then go to sleep all winter.....If my Karma works, can I come back as a bear please? I have a feeling I will return as some miniscule insect and get stood on as soon as I am old enough to walk, hop, crawl or slither outdoors.
Of course kids and skiers love the stuff. Oh yes great fun, collecting huge lumps of hard ice and flinging it at every old lady or defenceless person that is hobbling along....bastards! Throw one at me and you'll be eating it for the duration.
Skiers are no better. Aggressive five-year-olds don their spears, one on either leg and launch themselves off the top of the piste. I've been 'on the piste' many times before and can never stand up - but that has something more to do with alcohol and not some slippery slope.
LOOK OUT!! Here comes another guided missile. There is a huge crash and scream as the little terror on slides crashes into an innocent snowboarder. Innocent my arse! Not content with two spears this oaf likes to wear a plank of wood big enough to be the side of my wardrobe. It’s typical winter sport - arrive by ski-bus and leave by ski-ambulance (better known by its usual name of 'helicopter').
AND they have the cheek to laugh at me because I prefer such tame non-contact sports as rugby and alligator-wrestling (much the same thing really).
That's another problem with winter - where do all the poor animals go? You can walk through a forest in spring and it is alive with the chatter and gobble-de-gook of birds, mammals and insects. Take the same walk in winter and you hear nothing, apart from the wind whistling through the bleakness. Perhaps the occasional 'plop' as one of the squirrel's nuts falls off the tree, or off the squirrel!
Woodpeckers knock themselves senseless as they endeavour to extract a frozen bug from its tree bound lair.
The insane laugh of the Green woodpecker as it mocks the futile attempt of all creatures to stay alive in this barren landscape.
In the middle of this mayhem is Christmas - laughingly referred to as 'the festive season'. Why do we have Christmas? Is there some reason for it?? Isn't it just designed so that global companies can increase their fortunes at the door of St. Tesco (the patron saint of consumerism)? Surely isn't it also just a time for goodwill to all men, when we consume far too much food and alcohol and then beat everyone we love (and don't love) senseless.
When lonely people and Christmas club secretaries commit suicide like lemmings. Following their fruitless search for friends and the money they have stolen respectively, just so they can keep up with the Joneses, Patels and Swartzkopfs., oops nearly forgot the Fayeds (Inshallah).
Do Africans enjoy Christmas? Does some poor little bastard with a huge empty stomach look forward to Father Christmas/Santa Claus/Jezisek visiting and bringing a bag of rice. In Europe and over the pond, greedy youngsters open ever more expensive presents - that most people can't afford and must buy on credit - never mind, it's Christmas after all. These presents then often discarded to occupy some landfill site for centuries to come.
Let's hear it for Ebenezer Scrooge (my role model). 'YAH BOO HUMBUG' that's what I think of Christmas. Kick Bob Cratchett up the arse and get on with life. As for the ghosts of Christmas past/present & future - I salute them with my middle digit.
ROLL ON SPRINGTIME!!
I am sorry but I really hate winter.
Serotonin depleted days filled with nervous people, delayed transport and everywhere, at least in the city, grey depressing buildings.
Bears really have the answer - find some secluded spot, stuff yourself silly with food and then go to sleep all winter.....If my Karma works, can I come back as a bear please? I have a feeling I will return as some miniscule insect and get stood on as soon as I am old enough to walk, hop, crawl or slither outdoors.
Of course kids and skiers love the stuff. Oh yes great fun, collecting huge lumps of hard ice and flinging it at every old lady or defenceless person that is hobbling along....bastards! Throw one at me and you'll be eating it for the duration.
Skiers are no better. Aggressive five-year-olds don their spears, one on either leg and launch themselves off the top of the piste. I've been 'on the piste' many times before and can never stand up - but that has something more to do with alcohol and not some slippery slope.
LOOK OUT!! Here comes another guided missile. There is a huge crash and scream as the little terror on slides crashes into an innocent snowboarder. Innocent my arse! Not content with two spears this oaf likes to wear a plank of wood big enough to be the side of my wardrobe. It’s typical winter sport - arrive by ski-bus and leave by ski-ambulance (better known by its usual name of 'helicopter').
AND they have the cheek to laugh at me because I prefer such tame non-contact sports as rugby and alligator-wrestling (much the same thing really).
That's another problem with winter - where do all the poor animals go? You can walk through a forest in spring and it is alive with the chatter and gobble-de-gook of birds, mammals and insects. Take the same walk in winter and you hear nothing, apart from the wind whistling through the bleakness. Perhaps the occasional 'plop' as one of the squirrel's nuts falls off the tree, or off the squirrel!
Woodpeckers knock themselves senseless as they endeavour to extract a frozen bug from its tree bound lair.
The insane laugh of the Green woodpecker as it mocks the futile attempt of all creatures to stay alive in this barren landscape.
In the middle of this mayhem is Christmas - laughingly referred to as 'the festive season'. Why do we have Christmas? Is there some reason for it?? Isn't it just designed so that global companies can increase their fortunes at the door of St. Tesco (the patron saint of consumerism)? Surely isn't it also just a time for goodwill to all men, when we consume far too much food and alcohol and then beat everyone we love (and don't love) senseless.
When lonely people and Christmas club secretaries commit suicide like lemmings. Following their fruitless search for friends and the money they have stolen respectively, just so they can keep up with the Joneses, Patels and Swartzkopfs., oops nearly forgot the Fayeds (Inshallah).
Do Africans enjoy Christmas? Does some poor little bastard with a huge empty stomach look forward to Father Christmas/Santa Claus/Jezisek visiting and bringing a bag of rice. In Europe and over the pond, greedy youngsters open ever more expensive presents - that most people can't afford and must buy on credit - never mind, it's Christmas after all. These presents then often discarded to occupy some landfill site for centuries to come.
Let's hear it for Ebenezer Scrooge (my role model). 'YAH BOO HUMBUG' that's what I think of Christmas. Kick Bob Cratchett up the arse and get on with life. As for the ghosts of Christmas past/present & future - I salute them with my middle digit.
ROLL ON SPRINGTIME!!
SCOUTING FOR BOYS?
One never knows what you may find atop a grassy hillock?
Scouts going for their 'Observer' Badge
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